Being Water

​The thing about water over a rock is, yes, the water shapes the rock over time, but the water itself is ever changing. This blog will be as much about the changes I need to make in my life as I become a mother, as it is about how I want to shape my child. Don’t get me wrong, I want to celebrate and love every part of who my child is and will become. Yet, I know all children are shaped by watching their parents, it’s inescapable, conscious or unconscious, the nurture side of our upbringing.

My child, at least for the next 18 years, will be subjected to my behaviors, habits, thought patterns, emotions, and life style, how I operate in the world. At the age of 39, I will be bringing a lot of life experience to parenting. Each of my blog posts will expand upon a message I plan to convey to my child, using the testimony of my own life experiences.

Rock of My World

For me, it would take 3 false starts and all 9 months to fully accept the idea: I’m going to be someone’s mother. At 39 years old, being so very me, it’s almost beyond my comprehension. It’s been me and only me, taking care of myself, for most of my adult life. I’m lucky enough to have fantastic parents, but this adds to my consternation. I’ll never be like them.

I plan to be a great parent, it’s just that I’m so different than my own. They had me at 19 years old. I successfully conceived my first child when I was 19 years OLDER than they were when they had me! They were young, hopeful, and energetic. I’m older and have many of the bad and selfish habits of a single person. I am grateful for having 9 months to identify and attempt to mend the parts of my lifestyle that aren’t conducive to raising a child. ​

Qualifying Experiences

For better or worse, my brain has always been wired to desire peace, fairness, and justice for problems in the world. As a young elementary student, I seized upon the vast and great injustices impacting the environment. I felt the urgency that so many great environmentalists had written about. I felt the anger of the sensible minority fighting to alter a society that seems driven to perpetuate havoc, destruction, and extinctions. The more educated I became, about the problems, the more anger I had. While anger can spark action, from the reaction of my family and others, I learned it wasn’t the best persuasive tool.

I eventually found education to be the appropriate outlet for transmuting my anger into valuable action. Spreading awareness is the most effective means of achieving environmental respect. It is a harmonious lifestyle for me and my skill set. With the awareness angle, I find unlimited inspiration. I have invested my life to this path.

For decades, this is how I’ve been experiencing myself. I am happy with who I am, what I stand for. However, I’ve always chosen my goals over my comfort, and I know this will not be compatible with raising a child. My goals are not my child’s goals and my child won’t be made uncomfortable for my beliefs. I can’t abandon my path, but I can carefully design a bigger road for the two of us. After all, I am going to be someone’s mother.

In 2 weeks: “Water Over Rock 2: Active Inertia” will discuss achievement over busyness.